Insincerity: the glue in human relations

The Existemtialists since Rousseau argued that to live in society is to live in "bad faith," to sacrifice your personal feelings and wants for the "good of society."  To live in society is to do what others expect of you, whether or not you want to do as they say!  Well, today, I think we'd say insincerity is the hallmark of living with others; by what you do, you have to make it "seem" you're pleasing them--and that keeps your relationship with them running smoothly.

Now, Dr. Laura, whose talk show program takes up topics revolving around "how to get along with others," reminded  me of the Existentialist point of view in her recent statements--and I trust I've got them right.  She pointed out on one occasion that though she may come home tired and may not want to take out her dog, she does so anyway, because she sees how it pleases him!  Similarly, she argues a grandmother who wants to see her grandchild regularly, needs to comply with the wishes of the child's mother--her daughter--or risk not being able to see her grandchild on a regular basis.  For example, if the child's mother demands that the grandmother babysit the kid at least two nights a week, so the daughter can go out, if the grandmother wants to see the kid,  she should readily comply. 

Dr. Laura, I believe, gave another instance in talking with a caller:  a wife finds the husband wants sex too frequently; wants sex all too often when she doesn't want to participate in the activity.  I think Dr. Laura may have replied, for the sake of the marriage, go through with it!  (You understand, this is how I interpreted the repartee.)

Now, I found in my research into caring for baby, that several authorities on the subject encourage the parent to hide how they feel at the moment in order to attend to the baby's wants and needs.  Suppose, a parent comes home in a foul, angry mood from work.  No, she must not reveal how angry she is but instead put on the mask of a gentle, caring parent, totally involved with baby!

Contrast the notion of play-acting that appears so important to accepting and caring for another person, no matter how one feels at the moment, with "being yourself--laying it all out there!"  "I'm me; take me or leave me."  If you've watched the housewives series, e.g., the housewives of  New Jersey, you know what I mean.  If a housewife feels insulted or ignored by another housewife, she tells her off; she says "You're no longer my friend; I never want to see you again!"  In short, she cuts the relationship off; no more glue to be applied.